She is my lover, my best friend and my universe

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2011

I started my High School year at an all-girls school. I was completing grade eight that year. Prior to that I was in a mixed Primary School. Moving from a mixed school to an all-girls school was a big change. The setting was different, and it felt different. I was now interacting with girls only and as anticipated, my behaviour changed.

I started noticing girls that were different from me. Different in the sense that they walked and dressed differently. They wore male clothing, and their walk was rather strange. Most of them had girlfriends and every break time they would pass by holding hands with their partners. I would sit there and smile, lost in the beautiful sight.

This one time during break I saw this girl, her name was Kele*. Immediately after I saw her I felt something in my stomach. Very weird and slightly painful tingles. I smiled and looked away. My friend noticed what had happened and as we were walking back to class she asked me “why were you looking at that girl like that?” I said to her with love struck eyes “I think I like her”. She asked, “have you ever had a crush on a girl before?” and I answered, “no”.

Her question lingered on my mind the whole afternoon as I tried to figure out what I was feeling and if it was normal, but I knew it was genuine.

2013

I was completing grade 10. I started talking to this girl, her name was Monica* and she had started her grade 8. We vibed for a while until she asked to meet me at school. We met during break and had a short conversation. Our breaks were 15 minutes long, the bell rang, and we had to go to class. We hugged and parted ways.

Valentine’s day was approaching. On the day of Valentine’s, I was chilling with my friends during break having our lunch and taking pictures. Monica was approaching us with two of her friends. She had a card in her hands and I knew what was coming. As she was approaching my friends stared at me and I asked them “what’s wrong, guys?”. My friend Thuli said, “Monica is coming, and we know she’s coming for you.” I just laughed it off and continued eating.

When Monica arrived, she called my name and I looked up. She said, “could I please talk to you?”. I responded, “sure.” I stood up and we moved a little further from my friends as they were giggling non-stop. 

Monica said, “how are you doing? I have something for you.” She gave me the card and said, “happy Valentine’s Day.” I thanked her, and I asked, “why? I’m not your girlfriend.” she replied, “let’s walk together after school and I’ll explain.” I agreed, gave her a hug and went back to my small circle of friends. They were screaming and shouting, asking, “So what happened?!” I said “Nothing”. At that point I couldn’t wait for after school because I was hoping that Monica wasn’t going to ask me out.

The bell rang and I could not wait any longer. I waited for her and after a few minutes she came, and we walked home. We were having a conversation along the way until she abruptly said, “Lebo, I love you, could you please be my girlfriend?” I said to her, firmly, “I don’t date girls.” She replied, “well, there’s a first time for everything.” Those words changed everything. 

I agreed to be her girlfriend, although I was not too sure about my decision. That quickly changed though. I started feeling more comfortable around her. We would sit together every break. During this one particular break as we were talking, she looked directly into my eyes and leaned in for a kiss. We kissed and I knew that was no regular feeling. I felt butterflies in my stomach. After a few seconds she stopped, I looked at her, then I kissed her. That feeling was amazing. I very fast became addicted to her lips. Her touch was everything. Yes, I loved her.

A few weeks into our relationship, she invited me over to her place. She fetched me and we took a twenty-minute walk. When we arrived she offered me something to drink. As we were sitting on the couch, she kissed me. Before I knew it, she was on top of me and continued kissing, deeply and passionately. 

2017

By my second year at University, I was very content with my attraction to women. I met this girl, her name was Nolu*. We got to know each other and she started sleeping over at my place. This one night as we were in bed, she moved closer and kissed me, and I kissed her back. We dated for about a year. It was during this period that I became aware that what I’m feeling is actually a thing and that it is okay to feel this way about another woman. I also started attending Pride events at University from 2016 and I started interacting with women just like me. It became easier to express myself.

2018

My friend Lesego* sent me a text on Facebook, it read “hey Lebo, there’s someone asking for your number.” I replied “who?”. She said, “Goitseona,” and sent me her picture. I gave her the go-ahead to pass on my number to her. We started texting on WhatsApp and almost immediately we connected on so many levels. We were already referring to each other as “babe” and deep down I knew I wanted her.

We first met on the 13th of July. When I got to her, she gave me a hug and asked to hold my hand as we took a walk. I said to her, “you have beautiful eyebrows.” She blushed and said, “thank you babe”. When we stopped walking, she smiled and kissed me. I was really nervous. As she was kissing me, she touched my breast and my bum and I knew I was in love and I wanted to make love with her one day.

2020

We are celebrating our second anniversary this year and I couldn’t be happier. Not only did I find a partner in my girlfriend, I found a sister and a best friend. She makes me so happy and I know I’m going to feel like this for a very long time. I’m always inside of her, I want to sleep on her, I kiss and hug her all the time and I know sometimes she’s annoyed because wow! I love kissing her so much.

I love her touch and what brings us even closer to each other is the way that we make love. Our souls become one and we get lost in the moment while pleasing each other. I stan my relationship and I know I wouldn’t make it without her. She is my lover, my best friend, and my universe. I could go on about her, but I just want her to know that I love her deeply and unconditionally.

*The asterisked names in this submission are made up to protect the identity of the individuals described. 

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